The Good Wife’s Guide (Published 1955)

This was published in Housekeeping Monthly on 13th May 1955 and makes some very good, and seriously meant, points for being a Good Wife.

My girlfriend moved in with me last week and while she’s looking for a job has been a very attentive house-wife/girlfriend/elf herself, I wonder what she’d have to say to these suggestions (I suspect you may find out in the comments given a little time). The text on the original document (click image for full size) was a little small and hard to read so I’ve provided a transcription below.

The Good Wife’s Guide.

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a list and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his tops of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pleasure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility, where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his sows. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife knows her place.

Credit to Susie Smart for circulating this around the office, and Lisa Hammerton for bringing it to my attention.

Guinness Red’s Ts&Cs

At the Student’s Union a week or so back I picked up a leaflet which turned out to be a coupon for a half pint of Guinness Red. On the reverse were the terms and conditions which contained this line;

“Please do not attempt to redeem against any other product as refusal to accept may cause embarrassment and delay”.

Click here to see it for yourself. I love that they thought it was worth putting on the leaflet. I just hope this isn’t part of the ‘warning! this coffee may be hot’, corporate culture; you now have to warn people that they might embarrass themselves. Maybe their new pint glasses will read, ‘warning! the contents of this glass may result in an awkward trip to the doctor for your best mate’s sister’.

Man Uses Pizza in Self-defence

I just stumbled across this short article on the BBC News website and if the BBC think this is news worthy then who am I to disagree? =)

A Florida pizza delivery man who was challenged by armed robbers in the city of Miramar got in first with his own weapon – a large pepperoni pizza.

Eric Lopez Devictoria, 40, flung the piping hot pizza at the gunman, then turned on his heels and ran.

He made a safe getaway, according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel, despite one shot being fired as he fled.

Police later arrested three teenage suspects, who have been charged with armed robbery.

Inmate Escapes German Prison in Box

This clipping taken from the BBC News website:

A manhunt is under way in western Germany for a convicted drug dealer who escaped by mailing himself out of jail.

The 42-year-old Turkish citizen – who was serving a seven-year sentence – had been making stationery with other prisoners destined for the shops.

At the end of his shift, the inmate climbed into a cardboard box and was taken out of prison by express courier. His whereabouts are still unknown.

The chief warden of the jail told the BBC this was an embarrassing incident.

The prison authorities in Willich, near Duesseldorf, said the man, who was tall and broad-shouldered, had hidden in a box that was about 150cm by 120cm.

When the weekly express courier arrived to pick up several boxes of merchandise, the one containing the prisoner was also loaded into the back of the lorry.

Shortly after it had passed through the prison gates, the inmate made his dash for freedom by cutting a big hole in the tarpaulin of the lorry and jumping off.

The driver alerted the police after he noticed the tarpaulin flapping in the breeze.

I know it’s really bad that this man has escaped from prison but a big, and very childish, part of me just loves the idea of someone being posted to freedom in box; shame Andy Dufresne never thought of that.

An Extract from Esquire

THIS POST IS NOT GRANDMA SAFE!

I found this comic which I’d ripped out of an old copy of esquire the other day while packing up to move to uni, it made me laugh so I thought I’d share!

Lucy Kellaway on Bankers and Mars Bars

Following Lehman Brothers‘ going belly up I found a great article by Lucy Kellaway in the Financial Times on Monday and thought it was an interesting take on the current banking situation. I’ve only clipped out the first third of the article which was the part I found particularly interesting. The article is called, ‘Advice For Ex-Bankers With Long Positions in Mars Bars’.

For a more readable size click on the image.

I enjoyed this article so much that I sent Lucy an email telling her so and had received a lovely response; isn’t the email a fabulous way to contact people you never would otherwise?